What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
