THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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