Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
