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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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• (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich

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• (347): View more from New York

  So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle

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• (510): View more from California

  Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer

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• (716): View more from New York

  She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened

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• (516): View more from New York

  I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder

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• (619): View more from California

  Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..

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