I bet he comes in French.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
