I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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