i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize