babies were throwing up all over the place
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
