Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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