My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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