she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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