Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
