put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
