Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
