and you said cock pushups were impossible
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
