i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
