Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
