I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
