i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
