Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
