guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
