if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
