Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
