id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
