I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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