I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
