I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
