Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
