I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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