i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
