Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
