i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
