The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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