Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
