I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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