my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
