dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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