I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
