i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
