I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
