I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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