We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
