Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mom said you looked used
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
