Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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