I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize