He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did I show you my penis last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
