Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
