Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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