I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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