Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
