I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
