my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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