FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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