i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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