Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
