you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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