she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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