Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
