Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
