The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
