Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
