On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
