as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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