Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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