dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
