Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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