Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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