so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
