We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize