The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
