Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
