I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
