Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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