It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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