we have pet lesbian snakes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
